When God Is Talking, You Listen!

I have learned more about myself and my faith in the last seven days than I have in my entire life. I don’t even know where to begin, other than with the completion of my 21-day fast.

Back in October, I learned that my youngest child had concerning levels of lead in her blood. I was at a loss for words and kept it to myself, feeling that I was somehow responsible. Over the following months, I worked with my landlord and the Department of Health, but I felt defeated as things progressively worsened. Eventually, I received a notice that we had to vacate the premises in two weeks because the unit was no longer habitable. In the middle of an Ohio winter, with no family or extra funds to move, I felt stuck and helpless.

I reached out to a few friends just to share what was happening. Without a second thought, they began contacting their networks to find us a safer environment. Instead of being thankful, I felt overwhelmed and pushed back against their help. I didn’t realize I was doing this until someone from my church checked on me the next day and shared a revelation she had. She told me she had asked God why I was pushing back, and the answer she received was that I have been let down so many times that my guard is constantly up.

Her confusion turned into empathy, and it opened my eyes to the fact that I struggle to fully trust anyone, even those trying to help. This was my first revelation: I am not alone. What I couldn’t accomplish in 90 days, God and this community helped resolve in just one. When God is talking, how can you not listen?

During Bible study last night, I found myself sitting quietly, holding back as others shared their worries and gave them to God. I felt like I had every possible wall up, afraid to be vulnerable despite the openness of the group. As the study progressed, I felt the Lord nudging me to trust and speak. Before I knew it, I shared the truth of what I had been going through rather than what I wanted people to think of me.

Before the study, I had prayed for a sign that it was the Lord who had been speaking to me and that He was in control. He provided that confirmation through John chapter 9, yet I still found myself doubting if it was truly the Holy Spirit. However, once I revealed the situation regarding my youngest child, the women in the group immediately began covering us in prayer.

I received a second confirmation when my daughter’s lead levels were retested yesterday. Despite still living in a home with lead, her levels are now within the normal range. God has shown me exactly what I needed to see.

During the study, our weekly question always seems to be perfectly timed, and last night was no exception. The question was: “What is one thing that God is asking you to trust him in, step out in faith, and obey?”

The Lord knows the cries of our hearts. He has been telling me for years that I need to trust him in one specific area, but I have fought it and made every excuse to avoid it. That area is my finances. I have seen how things worked out when I allowed others to help with my housing, and how he provided for my daughter when I became vulnerable about her needs, yet I still find myself unable to trust him with this.

It feels like the only thing I have complete control over, and taking that leap is difficult. I am scared of the “what ifs,” even though this could be the best choice of my life. I sometimes question why he is asking this of me when I have already trusted him with so much. As a Christian, I know I must fully surrender everything to the Lord, but the battle with my flesh is tough.

This shifting season means he is calling me to a higher purpose, but I am struggling. This walk isn’t easy; that is why it is called a testimony, because it requires changing everything you once knew. My question now is: am I willing to sacrifice his glory, or am I ready to be obedient?

Sometimes we lose sight of the prayers we desperately wanted to see answered because they often manifest in ways we don’t expect. Our God knows exactly what we need and how we should receive it, which often requires being pushed out of our comfort zones.

Reflecting back, I see how my prayers have been answered: I prayed for a community of friends who crave God, and I found the Bible study. I prayed for support and connection, and I found Habitat for Humanity and my church. I even prayed for stability and flexibility, yet for some reason, I have been hesitant to accept it.

None of these blessings arrived in the way I envisioned because they required me to be vulnerable, to trust, and to let people in. While these experiences have provided exactly what I needed, I now face a final leap of faith. Will I take it?

Until next time!