What Do I Do?

What do I do when I need a break, but there is no one there to help me, or when I need a vent session and have no one there to listen? These conversations are the ones that many are not ready to have; always been told ” to reach out if you need me,” it seems like they hoped I would never ask. I’m so tired and frustrated, always on the go. I stop to reflect on myself, and I have nothing there to show. You would think about giving up, too, if you were standing in my shoes. But I keep going and changing strategies, as depression is the battle I refuse to lose.

Forced to keep so much to myself as my thoughts can be overwhelming; yes, triggered by the small things, I apologize for the nonstop yelling. To my kids, I’m sorry mommy’s cup is so empty. Parental burnout is real; you’re lucky if it doesn’t affect you. Cherish your support systems and everyone that helps you. No matter how big or small, ill accept assistance with anything; tired of doing it all alone; parenting isn’t easy. Hearing it’s worth it in the end, I’m thinking, how don’t they get it?

I don’t judge anyone’s situation; mental illness is real; often, the outside is never a true reflection of what a person may feel. So overwhelmed and unable to describe what I am going through, struggling to connect with myself most days; I don’t want to. I miss who I was as an individual. Now my fire has burned out; all that’s left is the residue—slowly picking up the pieces of my fragile heart and taking steps to better myself. I must continue to do my part and get rid of my ending envelope. Somehow, that’s when the help comes, and it is no longer needed. Dee Dee knows to throw up the bird fingers to anyone who fakes grieving. Can’t nobody say, I didn’t know, because I speak it, and if you put the pieces together, it is not hard for you to read it!

Remaining positive today, yet I keep it natural because I never know; the ideation is crazy as it’s something that will never show. I will keep fighting this battle; I promise it won’t be easy for me to let it go. My three babies are the reason that I hang on to all hope. I’m tired and on the edge that the cycle doesn’t end. I never expect much from anyone, but sometimes I could use a hand. I speak my truth, not for sympathy that doesn’t get me anywhere; please stop skimming at me crazy when I say I want to disappear. What do I do when I need a break, but there is no one there to help me, or when I need a vent session and have no one there to listen? So quick to say you are tripping but fail to offer assistance; I hope you prepare yourself for the day when I stop pretending because I’m tired.