What Do I Do?

What do I do when I need a break, but there is no one there to help me, or when I need a vent session and have no one there to listen? These conversations are the ones that many are not ready to have; always been told ” to reach out if you need me,” it seems like they hoped I would never ask. I’m so tired and frustrated, always on the go. I stop to reflect on myself, and I have nothing there to show. You would think about giving up, too, if you were standing in my shoes. But I keep going and changing strategies, as depression is the battle I refuse to lose.

Forced to keep so much to myself, as my thoughts can be overwhelming; yes, I’m triggered by the small things, and I apologize for the nonstop yelling. To my kids, I’m sorry Mommy’s cup is so empty. Parental burnout is real; you’re lucky if it doesn’t affect you. Cherish your support systems and everyone who helps you. No matter how big or small, I’ll accept assistance with anything; tired of doing it all alone; parenting isn’t easy. Hearing it’s worth it in the end, I’m thinking, how don’t they get it?

I don’t judge anyone’s situation; mental illness is real; often, the outside is never a true reflection of what a person may feel. I’m overwhelmed and unable to describe what I’m going through, struggling to connect with myself most days, so I don’t want to. I miss who I was as an individual. Now my fire has burned out; all that’s left is the residue—slowly picking up the pieces of my fragile heart and taking steps to better myself. I must continue to do my part and get rid of my ending envelope. Somehow, that’s when the help comes, and it is no longer needed. Can’t nobody say, I didn’t know, because I speak it, and if you put the pieces together, it is not hard for you to read it!

Remaining positive today, yet I keep it natural because I never know; the ideation is crazy, as it’s something that will never show. I will keep fighting this battle; I promise it won’t be easy for me to let it go. My three babies are the reason that I hang on to all hope. I’m tired and on the verge that the cycle not ending. I never expect much from anyone, but sometimes I could use a hand. I speak my truth, not for sympathy that doesn’t get me anywhere; please stop skimming at me, crazy when I say I want to disappear. What do I do when I need a break, but there is no one there to help me, or when I need a vent session and have no one there to listen? So quick to say you are tripping but fail to offer assistance; I hope you prepare yourself for the day when I stop pretending because I’m tired.