Hey Guys,
I deleted social media last year for so many reasons. The weight of envy, insecurities and just the overall toll it begins to take over you is overwhelming. This pandemic has made it especially challenging for individuals who have a mental illness and those who live in abusive homes. Our normal became so abnormal that I lost my escapes, my sense of freedom, all the things I now see that I took for granted.
Social media can work in so many favors, yet it can be such a toxic platform at the same time. I can’t believe how many days I woke up and immediately picked up my phone to see what I missed while I was sleep, then found myself upset because while I’m sitting in bed scrolling through my phone, there was someone out with a smile that went from ear to ear. I wasn’t upset because they were out, but because I envied their happiness. The majority of the time, I didn’t know their true story. We don’t realize how much we compare our lives to other’s lives, even our worth; we somehow discovered insecurities that we didn’t even know we had.
Last year when the pandemic hit, I was optimistic; I had the opportunity to care for myself for once. I thought it was needed to find my happiness. I didn’t prepare myself for the inevitable I didn’t realize all the restrictions that I would face. How much I needed that chance to be away from home in an attempt to pull myself together. The opportunity to be somewhere free of hearing my name called was tricky. It was unfortunate because I love being around people; I admire everyone’s story and seeing small steps made. I was in such a sour space; I lost my passion, motivation and stopped following my purpose. My depression took over; I began carrying it everywhere. Instead of immediately getting help, I allowed myself to struggle; I was numb!
Having to bear struggles from our daily lives is hard; we get on social media often and hide everything that’s going on because people are cruel. It’s easier to pretend and withhold than express our emotions and get help because it requires vulnerability. Why has society made vulnerability so wrong? So often, I can be in a room full of people, yet I feel so disconnected and alone. At that exact moment, I would snap a group picture to show that I’m happy and doing ok because I was too proud to let anyone know I needed help. I didn’t want to be known as the person who needed medication to function. I was no longer in control, and I needed saving. I thank God daily for his timing because when I couldn’t turn to my mother or my father, he revealed to two people that I needed to help guide me.
To those who have never been suicidal, please understand we aren’t saying it for attention but because we feel we are losing the battle with our thoughts and genuinely need help.
To those facing suicidal thoughts, remember you’re not alone!
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
I know what it is like to feel alone!
MG