The realization and coming to terms are almost as traumatic as the experience that brought you here. Every year I tend to set unrealistic goals for the coming year; I stay committed for approximately six weeks before the excuses begin to formulate. This year I told myself I was no longer setting anything so far fetch; last year, everything good happened for me except the goals I had set. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have plans, but make them measurable so giving up becomes a little more complex.
I believe happiness always gets me; it takes one bad day before my perception causes me to want to wash my hands with kindness. I’ve embedded in my mind that you can’t become upset with someone for being who they’re going to be. I knew coming into this year, my highest priority was true happiness. That goal alone forces me to overcome many obstacles that stand as barriers to achieving it: resentment, hurt, trust issues, co-dependency, pride. No one wants to walk around with weight as heavy as that, yet the experiences we face daily make it seem inevitable.
I’ve always heard that happiness was a choice; you choose what you allow to bother you and get you worked up. You select those you want to surround yourself with; the older I get, the more I begin to understand the choices I unintentionally made. Cutting ties with family members has always been a complicated task; the memories, the bond, and that saying that family is forever staying on constant replay made that choice far from easy. I can only speak from my personal experience that there is a ton of toxicity within my family; I’m not sure if it is a shame around speaking up, but I will not be the one to sweep it under the rug. The burden remains my fault as long as I continue to deal with it all.
There is a mission that I have been working on, one that requires me to plan with steps, most of which come from others. I’ve become accustomed to doing things alone as protection from letting down. My pride has made it more challenging to ask for help, so I struggle. The void of happiness reflects in many expressions, unpleasant ones at that; the traits you are trying to escape somehow become your fate. It becomes a repetitive cycle until you speak up, realize, and come to terms; those experiences you faced were for learning purposes. To strengthen you, not just break you.
This year I plan to do what makes me happy, more self-care, things I enjoy and connecting in ways that lead to fulfillment. I choose myself, my happiness, my peace, and the freedom from accepting less than pleasing things. Every day you are given a choice; today is the day to choose you!