I Am Mikayla!

I choose me; I don’t mean mom, daughter, sister, or friend, just me. It’s been a while since I recognized that I need happiness as an individual. I am used to placing all my attention and energy into everything and everyone else, that I began neglecting the person behind it all, which is me. I feel fulfilled in my role as everyone else, but not when it comes to just being myself, which is a problem. I find myself stumbling behind the question, who are you, or tell me about yourself? The problem is I don’t know, and I want to learn.

Could this be why compliments are challenging for me to accept, or why I feel guilty for needing a break? Helping others has always come naturally to me, so it happens without thought. I often doubt myself but feel confident in my choices for everything except Mikayla, and that denial won’t make it better. Call it what you want; these feelings are valid. I tell myself that I am not the only one who battles with these thoughts, but even if I am, I constantly repeat it doesn’t define me. But do I always believe it? No!

Setting an example has always been my top priority, even when it meant disconnecting from the things and people that matter most to me. We all crave to be free-spirited, allowing things to flow naturally, followed by the statement, “I don’t care.” But I do care; I care about happiness, support, relationships, success, and, most importantly, I care about people. This care is my greatest weakness as I tend to jeopardize putting myself first.

Why has ” I show up for myself” become so normalized? I understand its importance, but we can’t do life alone and shouldn’t have to. Selfishness, greed, ego, and pride are common characteristics in so many it’s sickening. I’m a huge advocate for mental wellness, but it doesn’t mean my struggle has vanished; I must remember this. Somedays, the healthy coping skills won’t work, and that’s ok, just as sitting in the overwhelming feelings, you may have. My greatest accomplishment has happened alone and hurt, but I don’t want to leave it there.

The thing about the absence of self-confidence is that you must also learn to put up a fight against imposter syndrome. That feeling is severe and will make you feel naive about your experiences. Robust support systems hold many positive benefits for individuals like myself. Many of us know we are cared about, but when in low spirits, we don’t believe we are worthy of that caring. The last thing we want to do is put that feeling or responsibility on anyone else. Please be mindful when telling us to snap out of it or reminding us of everything we have to be grateful for; we already discredit our feelings, and unfortunately, those remarks are the exact opposite of helping. Life doesn’t stop and wait for us to get it all together; that’s the most challenging part, so be patient with me and others as we figure out who we are. I am Mikayla, and I’m trying!