Consistency

Consistency is a character trait we should all have, yet many of us find it challenging to stay committed when it causes us to continue doing things that bring us out of our comfort zone. Our comfort zone can be dangerous; we often find that our comfort zones are not comforting at all once we begin self-reflecting. Many things I have done have caused me more long-term harm than good, yet I have become accustomed to being and reacting a certain way as it gives me a sense of control.

Everyone has a story and a reason behind their character and awareness that may reflect differently than what can be seen by the naked eye. My struggle with consistency often presents itself in the areas of self-improvement and forgiveness. I would find myself believing that I was over certain events that caused me a great deal of pain, yet with the right trigger, those unhealed wounds would resurface, reminding me how much control those events ultimately had over me. Why is it so hard to forgive everyone equally? Why do we allow ourselves to continue suffering from things that had nothing to do with us in the first place? Shouldn’t we want to move forward?

I found that forgiving others and not assuming responsibility for their actions toward me was humiliating, and I refused to look foolish. So I began holding on to the resentment while lying about being over it and not caring. Little did I know that the more I suppressed the hurt, the more it affected my perspectives of others, my character, and, most importantly, my outlook on myself. I unintentionally internalized each adverse event as a personal problem, and God never intended to be that.

Its mind blowing how all that brings me to my inconsistencies with self-improvement. Because of my “comfort zone,” my new outlook came with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and self-doubt. Why would I believe I could be anything other than what those presented feelings told me? After years of bottling up emotions, thoughts, and cries, I found it easier to feel bad for myself than to continue working through barriers. I stood in the way of growth, happiness, and friendships. My comfort zone kept me alone, quiet, and restricted, as that was the only way to prevent me from being let down, a failure, hurt, and vulnerable. Looking back, it wasn’t worth it.

Consistency is a long-term commitment and requires a lot of work which we can’t do in the presence of our comfort zones. Failures help us become winners and show that we are trying no matter the outcome. Pain and adverse times give us the strength we sometimes need to tackle future obstacles. I used to focus so much on the bad that I lost sight of everything good, and that’s where our comfort zones get us. We find ourselves making remarks such as, “I knew I shouldn’t have done that; I knew something bad would happen. They will never change; it’s always something,” so we miss the learning opportunities that help shape our character.

It begins with self-reflection and asking the critical question, why am I struggling with consistency in this area? We must be honest with ourselves, which is sometimes hard because of pride. It’s easier to blame circumstances, others, and our past for our shortfalls instead of taking accountability for the part we play in it. We all have a story but don’t have to remain victims. I’m sure there is pain, a sense of unfairness, resentment, and may still be barriers, but we survived, and that’s what matters. Take this moment wherever you are and ask yourself, “Am I where I want to be?” if not, what’s standing in the way? That first look in the mirror is complex, but it will be well worth it if it moves you from the vicious cycle due to your comfort zone. You got this!!