This weekend has been one of the most challenging three days of my life. I don’t believe we can ever fully prepare ourselves for loss, as it happens so suddenly. Having to pretend that you’re strong when you’re crumbling on the inside is draining, but I can’t begin to imagine the pain they have in their hearts for those babies. I don’t think that parents should have to prepare a burial for their child, yet it is often happening.
Speaking from my experience, having a death happen caused by domestic violence is highly triggering. We are constantly reminded of the dangers and become so good at pretending it seems so unexpected. I’ve been looking over my shoulders for days; being survivors, we hold on to that very day when we finally said enough, and it just sucks that some people don’t get the opportunity to mean it.
Abuse is Abuse, and it does not matter how it happens; it’s not right.
My heart was still tender for my abuser; I battled with myself often because I knew better. I still allowed them in, and I think it’s because we don’t wholly let go. Trauma bonding can be so dangerous as you become so attracted to the very thing you fear. I pray for strength!
Death is painful, I am so hurt, and my emotions are everywhere. Knowing that once death happens, the journey on earth is over. We often don’t understand why it happens to others so soon, forgetting God has plans. Cherish the time with the ones who matter; surround yourself with people who value you. You are important.
MG